Adoption: The Perspective of an Expectant Mother

Chapter Four: February 2019

My! Oh! My! Baby Bracci’s got big boy kicks! It’s crazy the difference in just a week. Up until this week, I have been able to sleep right through them at night, but now I can’t. And even though I’m tired, I can rest later because I want to enjoy every bit of this pregnancy. I want to take advantage of the love I feel with every bump and flip in there, reminding me how much you’re growing everyday… because soon I will only be able to feel and watch from afar, but I will watch and be there every step of the way! And boy do you have so many people ready to give their lives up to love you for the rest of yours! But until then, I will enjoy our one on one morning twists and flips and feels… because I know this is the closest I’ll be to Baby Bracci before he’s, well, Baby Bracci officially! 

So, for now I’ll cherish when you’re up to play at 4am every morning, then again at 8am. And soon, when you join us in this world, you will be able to keep another person up, and not just one person, but actually people, two very special people! The parents that the Lord has blessed me with just for you!!! That’s right, He just dropped them right in my lap… it was in no way, at all possible, just a coincidence. The way this story was written, the way my life and your parents’ lives just interlocked well before I even knew who they were, I believe with all my heart the Lord’s hand selected this family before this second heartbeat inside me even started beating. And, not only did he pick the best parents, but they are also a part of a whole loving family, ready to spoil you! They’re going to love you and raise you the way you deserve, to take you in and make you a part of them.

Well, then you get to keep them up, and bless them with all this love and happiness and warmth you already like to spread in the late night... and early mornings. I really am so excited for that day to come and to complete a family; all at the same time, doing what’s best for my baby boy... like a real mother should. I will never regret the choice I have made, it is a very hard one, the hardest choice I have had to make in all my 27 years, but I know I’m 100% on this... and my mind will not change, no matter how many people doubt me. No matter how hard the process is, it’s not about me and my feelings anymore. When I’m a mother… it’s about one thing and one thing only… YOU! I chose to give you life instead of destroying it (even though you already had a heartbeat), to put your life before my selfish thoughts of just getting rid of you because I couldn’t keep you, just because I wouldn’t be able to be the one who gets to love you and enjoy you all your time growing up. I decided that your life was worth more than my feelings. You deserve to live even though I can’t be your main mother in your life. I gave you life just like the Lord meant to do when he blessed me with you, and I’m making sure it’s the best life I can give you. Even still, I can’t wait to walk this journey of so much love with you, and now yours, and also a new part of mine as well... so, OUR new family. ️

-------

I did not mean for this to be this long, but I hope this little moment I had tonight, these thoughts I have publicly shared with you guys, can answer a few questions. I still to this day have people tell me they constantly wonder why, or how, I can do this… carry my son all the way to put in the arms of another family. Well, when all this started in October, the position I was in as a single mother at the time, the father denying this new blessing, and everyone telling me I’m on my own if I have a third child… I couldn’t do it. But the Lord instantly showed me what was meant for my son and I knew right away abortion was not the answer. I knew, even though it would tear me up, there was the option of choosing adoption. And I’m hoping by being this open with my adoption journey I can convince other women to go this route as well, instead of anything else. So, for that reason, I wanted to share how amazing this experience will be in the end for everyone, instead of it having to be painful, because it doesn’t have to be. If I can save even one life, I’d be happy, and it is worth it! 

Written: February 12th, 2019 (23 weeks)

Photo: March 2, 2019